November 29, 2004
Joke of the week
Now typically we would bring you a witty joke to start off your work week. Well, this week we have a commercial from a life insurance company. This commercial is entitled ''The New Guy''. (Safe for work / need speakers)
Posted by Tom Troceen at 03:11 AM
November 26, 2004
Joke of the week
A group of lawyers and a group of actuaries are travelling by train to conferences in the same city. The lawyers were surprised to see that the actuaries had only bought one train ticket for the entire group. When the conductor entered the front of the car, all of the actuaries got up and went into the same bathroom. As the conductor went down the aisle, the lawyers dutifully handed him their tickets. When he came to the bathroom he said, "Ticket, please." One ticket slid out, he punched it, and went on his way.
On the return trip home, the lawyers thought they'd try the same trick, but this time they noticed the actuaries had not bought any train tickets. As the conductor entered the front of the car, all of the lawyers got up and went into the same bathroom. One of the actuaries walked over to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and said, "Ticket, please."
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:19 AM
November 15, 2004
Joke of the week
An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car. The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.
Posted by Tom Troceen at 03:30 AM
November 01, 2004
Joke of the week
Q: How do you tell the difference between an actuary and the deceased person at a funeral?
A: The deceased has a new tie.
Posted by Tom Troceen at 02:33 AM
October 25, 2004
Joke of the week
A casualty actuary priced an automobile "Fire and Theft" policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, "Who would steal a burnt car?"
Posted by Tom Troceen at 03:40 AM
October 18, 2004
Joke of the week
Posted by Tom Troceen at 03:56 AM
October 04, 2004
Joke of the week
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:49 AM
September 27, 2004
Joke of the week
How many actuaries does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: a) How many did it take last year?
b) None, after credibility weighting, we have indications that the bulb is still lit.
c) None, the insurance department is not allowing any modifications to the bulb at this time.
d) Have any of our competitors changed bulbs yet?
e) None, they prefer to leave us in the dark.
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:06 PM
September 20, 2004
Joke of the week
An actuary is flying on an old-style 4 prop plane to the annual meeting. Partway through the flight one engine conks out. The pilot comes over the intercom to advise the passengers that one engine is dead, but the plane is perfectly capable of flying on three, although this will delay their arrival time by one hour. A while later, the pilot advises the passengers that unfortunately, a second engine has ceased to function. He reassures them that the plane can fly on only two engines, but their arrival time will now be delayed by 3 hours. Shortly after, the pilot has more bad news - the 3rd engine is not working, but he reassures everyone again that the plane is perfectly capable of continuing with only one engine working, but that their arrival time will now be delayed by 7 hours. At this news, the actuary can no longer contain his frustration. He turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Boy that's just great - if the 4th engine stops working we're going to be up here forever!"
Posted by Tom Troceen at 03:54 AM
September 13, 2004
Joke of the week
Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. The first man steps up, places his head in the hole, the executioner release the knife, and miraculously the knife stops inches above the man's neck. The king says, "Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are declared free." So the first man gets up, relieved, and the second man takes his place. Again, the guillotine knife stops inches away from the man's neck. The king says again, "Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are declared free." So the second man gets up, free. The third man, who is an actuary, puts his head in the guillotine hole, looks up, and says, "I think I see what the problem is ... "
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com
Posted by Tom Troceen at 05:31 PM
September 10, 2004
Joke of the week
One actuary to another: "Come on, man, live on the edge; test at 0% level of significance."
Read more jokes at ActuarialJokes.com
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:21 AM
September 06, 2004
Joke of the week
An actuary and a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, "There are 1,248 sheep out there." The farmer replied, "Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?" The actuary answered, "Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four."
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:42 AM | Comments (0)
August 23, 2004
Joke of the week
A marketing person was trying to convince the insurance agent that a glass half full of water could be easily sold to the companies' clientele. An actuary was standing near by watching the exchange.
Marketer: This is our newest product. A glass half full of water. It is clear, refreshing and satisfying. This is the best water on the market. Anyone could sell this.
Agent: It is half empty, how do you expect me to sell that? No one should be expected to sell a half empty glass.
Actuary: Personally, I think you gave him way too much glass.
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com!
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:15 AM | Comments (0)
August 16, 2004
Joke of the week
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an actuary joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an actuary. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an actuary. And the guy sitting next to him is 6'5" tall, 250 pounds, and he's an actuary. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com!
Posted by Tom Troceen at 09:00 AM | Comments (0)
August 09, 2004
Joke of the week
A group of people are touring the Grand Canyon, and the tour guide asks if anyone knows the age of the canyon. Everybody is mumbling but nobody answers. An actuary raises his hand and says, "one million and three years old!" The guide is amazed and asks the actuary how he knows this so exactly. The actuary answers, "Three years ago I visited the Grand Canyon, and one of your guides said the canyon was one million years old."
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com!
Posted by Tom Troceen at 01:01 AM | Comments (0)
August 02, 2004
Joke of the week
Two people are flying in a hot air balloon and realize they are lost. They see a man on the ground, so they navigate the balloon to where they can speak to him. They yell to him, "Can you help us - we're lost." The man on the ground replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, about two hundred feet off the ground." One of the people in the balloon replies to the man on the ground, "You must be an actuary. You gave us information that is accurate, but completely useless." The actuary on the ground yells to the people in the balloon, "you must be in marketing." They yell back, "yes, how did you know?" The actuary says," well, you're in the same situation you were in before you talked to me, but now it's my fault."
More jokes at ActuarialJokes.com!
Posted by Tom Troceen at 04:14 PM | Comments (0)